baby blue

 * things i dont want to forget of late: * 

 

. . . . . cause he is already growing up so fast. . .

•  the way when something surprises him his eyes get really big, or his hands pop out like a flying eagle
• how he enjoys sucking on wash clothes and will suddenly BITE DOWN HARD with his 'no teethers' and then get confused
• how he is ticklish behind his neck folds (*funny how you never can see a baby's neck- they are like turtles)
• how his smile always starts out a bit lopsided

• how hard he tries to fit two fists in his mouth at the same time, or hold two hands and one foot
• how he looks like he has shaky sea legs whenever he is trying to stand up
• how he is learning to shrill/scream, and it is either a sign of deep happiness - or extreme fussiness

 

• how his father and i find it funny that he is such a 'serious chap' , he always stares at us soo hard and taps his fingers when he is concentrating , what could be going on in that little mind of his.. ?

• how he is starting to recognize me when i come to get him in the morning and his pure gummy -baby- smile -of -happiness melts my heart even though i am exhausted
• how he gives a sort of 'shiver of happiness' when he is particularly excited
• how he blows bubbles and says 'bb bbb bbb bubb bubbb" when he is tired at night

• how still the safest place for him to be in perched on my shoulder  like a tree frog
• how he likes to grab my hair and be tickled by it on the changing table (*i am going bald as a result)
• how funny his face looked when the March wind blew on his face for the first time in a stroller ride

even the bad things,

 

 like how his WHOLE face turns upside down- and  he pinches me when he is upset.. 

WOOF> now that is a baby saying: 

"i -dont-care-if-you-havent- gotten -outside- since- November , I DO NOOOOOT want to wear this hoodie.. i am dying.  ahhhhh somebody help me, my mother is torturing me with hoodies~!!!!!!!!"

  ahh yes , baby boy.. momma loves you.. this i do.

yawns.

Like father, like son. 

( Nuf' said. )

Alligator Sundays

sunday mornings use to be so simple.. 

 

sleep in.. make muffins.. slather muffins with butter.. check email, start getting ready.. slowly make our way out the door.. walk in, sit down, listen, laugh, soak, and leave to do errands afterwards til whenever we wanted to come home..

 not so anymore.

 Now, if it is a Sunday, I am already planning my attack:

1. hope baby wakes up on schedule

2. try to keep baby entertained while eating cereal

3. try to get dressed in 15 minute time slot.. *of course no shower.

4. try to keep baby awake til we can put him in car seat where hopefully he will then fall asleep  for entirety of car ride, worship service annnnnnnd sermon .. ACK!

 

  (*last service we were at, had him on my knee, but a rather loud belch sent me running out the door..)

try as we might, we have yet to have a successful sunday service.  (well except Christmas eve when he was a month old. )

Let's just say i now know the quickest exit to the parent and child room, also known as where a baby can scream in soundproof room with other crying babies while we all try to listen to a sermon over the tears~! :)

Needless to say, there has been quite a few snowy Sunday mornings we have decided to watch sermons online instead of arriving at church- only to feel like we need to leave  5 minutes in.

But this Sunday it was going to be different. 

it was Palm Sunday, which is one of my favorites, and i was determined.. and when a momma is determined, she is determined.

Alas..baby seems to have a sixth sense for when the stakes are high..

  our llittle Jackie boy  had a full out 'palm sunday blow out'.. and we were reduced to running around lighting candles and taking him naked -bottomed -immediately -downstairs into the bath for a full soak~!!!  ha..

but, as usual, God knows our hearts and he speaks to us no matter where we are. Hubs and I ended watching a parenting sermon online by Andy Stanley, and  i felt like i gained so much insight ,.. it was just what i needed to feel refreshed and revived. He knows.

So, alas, there was no palm- branch -waving -palm- Sunday, BUT, i did have a Sunday with a little boy in suds, with an alligator hat on.. and that made it all worth it in the end..

 NOW for Easter Sunday,,, dun dun dun .. 

and i mean really, who can resist a baby with an alligator hat?

 ( i think HE is trying to resist, but alas  he is a helpless babe:)

but , it really does look like he is a little crocodileeeeeee: goin to eat YOU UP~!

a good mix if i do say so myself~

A glimpse into the future:

Snips and snail and puppy dog tails~!

  Mister muscles .. love it~!

 seriously.. my Hubs was such a cutie.. still is..

Jackson already has this scrunchy smile.. just makes me melt...

 

Soccer~! woo hooo..there we go~!

then you add a dash of this :

 (*by the way my mom never lets me forget she had these PROFESSIONALLY done.. and so .. i must be grateful ;) yes mom i know, i know..

and we will WONT add a dash of this, cause no matter what you say: I am not letting the little tyke parade in highheels and tutu's . nope.. not a chance. . . he can still do cowboy hats and indian feathers.. or whatever comic book item/outfit Hubs has on hand ~! 

slumber

 i cannot help but love his face when he sleeps..

•  the pouty cherry red lips
•  the arm careless thrown above his head
• his stuffed animal (lovey) loyally at his side
• the long lashes that flutter about like butterfly wings when he dreams

what do babies dream about? puppies? soft blankets ?

all i know is that when i see this little bundle-I cannot believe we made something so perfect.

This time last year, I did not know he even existed .. and yet there he was, like a little whisper inside of me -growing into this tiny, sweet boy- that is all my own.

what did we do today?

• read a book about the ocean
• worked on his standing (more like shaky legged pirate walk)
• looked at snowflakes outside the window ( i pretend it was snowflakes.. i am pretty sure he only saw as far out as the windowpane.. ) 
•  Hubs brought home a toy T-rex -and  Jack started crying when it roared- he wouldn't let go of me for a whole 15 minutes (we then eased him into the T-rex by allowing it to stand near him during bathtime ;:)
• momma was singing quite a few eerie/celtic made up tunes, as she had just watched The Hobbit
• spent lots of time kicking those chubby baby legs and working on hated tummy time
• took a bath and cried when we put him in his pajamas
• had multiple hats tried on him to see which ones go into storage and which ones still fit. .. . who knew you would receive so many hats at baby showers?  hats galore~!

speaking of hats... isn't he a regular dandy? This was a hat my mother in law bought when i was pregnant.. and i didnt think it would fit yet.. and there it is..

what a handsome little thing. 

poor child doesn't know how many pictures he will be in.. shhh don't tell him..

he always has such a very sober face.. i barely ever catch a smile..   its like the weight of the world is on his baby shoulders.. (* and he has never even experienced diaper rash~!!)

little men

i love old illustrated children's books.. and now that I have a baby I cannot wait to read to my little boy someday..

 to read stories of dragons, ships, castles and adventure.. as well as stories of virtue, honor and bravery.

 I know my mother instilled a love of reading in me.. and I spent many road trips, sunny days, and bedtimes with nose in book.. she also made me an illustration snob, and I still cannot buy a children's book unless the artistry is fine.. (*thanks mom~! a blessing and a curse)..

here is a glimpse into a few of the books for Jack's someday bookshelf..

as for me. I have had so much time to spend while nursing a baby, I have decided to refresh myself with some classics...

 

 Currently in March I have read : Heidi, Little Men, and Swiss Family Robinson. 

 

It has been eye opening to me to see how much of these little novellas bring God into the character's development... They thank God for provision, safety and health in Swiss Family Robinson.. Heidi shares about the power of forgiveness and how God does not forget you even when you turn your back on Him.. and my favorite : Little Men, teaches boys the power of honesty, virtue, and living life with gentleness as well as strength. 

 

I randomly decided to read each one of these books, haphaserdly dusting them off from my shelves.. but did not realize how much impact some of the words still have today. Sad that so many books today omit the most important lessons.

excerpt from a hymn in Heidi (Johanna Spyri) : "Today we languish , in grief and anguish, but earthly sorrow, shall fade tomorrow, after the storm the sun shines bright."

excerpt from Little Men (Louisa May Alcott):

"Will the dear lady come and see a pretty sight? It's Nat listening with all his heart to Demi telling the story of the Christ-child, like a little white angel as he is."
Mrs. Bhaer had meant to go and talk with Nat a moment before he slept, for she had found that a serious word spoken at this time often did much good. But when she stole to the nursery door, and saw Nat eagerly drinking in the words of his little friends, while Demi told the sweet and solemn story as it had been taught him, speaking softly as he sat with his beautiful eyes fixed on the tender face above them, her own filled with tears, and she went silently away, thinking to herself,–
"Demi is unconsciously helping the poor boy better than I can; I will not spoil it by a single word."
 
The murmur of the childish voice went on for a long time, as one innocent heart preached that great sermon to another, and no one hushed it. When it ceased at last, and Mrs. Bhaer went to take away the lamp, Demi was gone and Nat fast asleep, lying with his face toward the picture, as if he had already learned to love the Good Man who loved little children, and was a faithful friend to the poor. The boy's face was very placid, and as she looked at it she felt that if a single day of care and kindness had done so much, a year of patient cultivation would surely bring a grateful harvest from this neglected garden, which was already sown with the best of all seed by the little missionary in the night-gown."

sunshine & bubbles

i love bath time with our little butterbean.. it usually means some good one-on-one time with baby and Hubs... It has been fun to see the progression from screaming  infant : " Dont you DARE put me in that water~ AHHH  hot lava, hot lava  yiiiiiiii!!!" , to seeing him kick his chubby little legs and take delight in the water splashing around him. I especially like all his little rolls and button toes sticking out, a healthy glowing boy.

 Every now and then he gets so comfi-cozi that he pees straight up into the air like a true sailor-child, and Hubs and I are reduced to laughing..

he loves to just sit in the tub, rub-a-dubb-dubbing.. he looks so like an old man sitting in his bath for a good ole fashioned soak... we scrub his fingernails with a toothbrush, and give a good polish to those chunky neck-folds, getting in all his nooks and crannies.. he pretty much comes out looking like a Johnson- &-Johnson bath time advertisement..

His least favorite moments are having his hair washed (* and by hair i mean stubborn follicles sticking straight up, and a bald spot on the back)...  Hubs takes out a measuring cup and gives him a good soak.. his locks get all fuzzy and curly and he resembles a fluffy duckling ..

 

 I know that my motherhood will be full of bath times, but right now they are still special moments that i treasure.. .i still enjoy kissing his baby toes, and trouncing him up in little hooded towels and watching his face light up when i lather him up with baby lotion:(that always gives him a good tickle)

 ...

 i do not want to forget his sweet baby smell right out of the bath.. like sunshine and bubbles. . .  oh how sentimental we mothers get~!

little baby love, i so enjoy our bath times together~! Soon you will be able to sit up yourself in the bathtub, and then everything changes again.. there will be bath toys, and little squeaking whales and ships, and i am sure an overflow from the tub from you making waves, and splashing about,  like a true commodore!

but for now, dont grow up quite yet, stay my sweet duckling, just for a little bit longer.

what do you nickname a boy named nick?

 i thought i might take a moment to *peek* into the little nicknames that currently are in use for my dear Jackson:  (I have also realized that i must overly use endings of  -pie:)

• sweetie pie
• pudding pie
• smoooshy pie

just another glimpse into my momma craziness:
most used? Definitely "butter bean", which can be interchanged with "butter bum"

dont even get me started on the songs i come up with to entertain his little ears.. ~!

uncle steve

i am learning many things about being a mom.. and one of them is how to apply concealer to lines on my face.. deep etched lines from lack of sleep..  If only people wanted to look tired: "Oh Hannah, you look soooo delightfully tired, how DO you do it?"  "Oh Hannah, your hair has just the right amount of  chic -dishevelled- greasiness.. kiss kiss, smooch smooch, what a trendsetter you are"
its amazing how much you age when you only sleep 4 hours total! i feel that i am living the college life all over again: just minus the late night movies, and girlish giggles, and peanut butter toast. . . OH, right and the part where you skip class and sleep in to make up for it! shhhhhhhhhh.....

 last night was one of those nights where no matter how much uncle Steve admonishes me to "cherish these moments while you can"... uncle steve is not dragging himself out of bed to sit: half exhausted in a chair nursing a crying baby at 3 am , then soothing an upset baby at 5 am .. .  and then again to the dreaded chair at 6:30am to start the day~!

 I feel as though the chair and I have not become very good friends as of late..  Its comfortable plush can no longer make up for my staggering mid-morning advances. Everything changes in the wee hours of the morning, suddenly it is tilted at JUST the right angle that I cannot fall asleep, and wiggles just enough to make me feel like i will be hurled backwards unawares and spill, baby and bunting -onto the floor- in one big lumpy pile... i feel as though its all the chairs fault, .. doesn't it know i would much rather be friends with the bed?

and then, as if the dreaded chair is not enough, in sneaks the cat, full of feline curiosity, who begins pawing nursery blocks onto the floor one by one, which sounds like nuclear explosions when one is trying to calm a crying baby to sleep.. . 
 

... i feel like i am suddenly enrolled in 'neighborhood watch' as i gaze sleepily out the window. I now know the neighbors across the street let their dogs out at 5 am, that the snowplow comes as early as 3 am on the morning of a big storm, and that a train echoes in the distance every night..
i see the shiny slivers of dawn, and realize that  i can no longer roll out of bed and head to class at the last possible moment.. i cannot press snooze on a crying baby. .. .

and just when i think i am too tired, that I cannot possibly make it through another day, my little boy finds his feet for the first time, and he is so utterly fascinated, so entirely consumed by the magic of his having his own toes, that i am caught up again in the overwhelming honor of motherhood.  

 

You see, he is already changing, he is already moving from baby rolls and cuddles, to striking out on his own and becoming his own little man, and i still get to be a part of his journey- 

I still get to see his eyes light up in curiosity and wonder at the wide world he is a part of...


 so i promise myself i will go to bed early at 9 pm tonight  (i wont. )

and that tonight he will miraculously sleep through the night (he wont)

and if all else fails, when its 3 am and i sauntered half dead to the infamous chair, I will try to let Uncle Steve's words melt into my heart "Cherish these moments while you can; cause someday they grow up.."

gummies

i read some good advice this morning.. on talking about children and our lives,.. and how sometimes we want to fit a child into our 'plans' for the day.. or our life as we see it.. and we get angry when they fuss, or cry, or refuse to get into the car seat... the piece of advice was to truly evaluate whether or not you are frustrated at your child for actively disobeying, OR whether you are frustrated that your child is not following what your envisioned agenda was for that day..

i know that sounds like pure common sense, but i KNOW there has already been days where I am dressed and ready to go, every imaginable needed thing in the diaper bag, naptime is on schedule, feeding is done: this plane is ready for takeoff .....and BOOOOOOOM 'diaper explosion', and i feel upset. .I feel like everything was planned and ready, and now i am late..  and plans change, or cannot go 'on schedule' like they use to. 

You see, I am the type of person who thrives on crossing things off lists. (Sometimes i will even go as far as adding something TO the list that i know i can complete: so i feel satisfied.. craazzzzzzzy  i know.. but there are others out there like me.. i just know it)

 Already on this journey I have had plans with friends I have had to cancel, a screaming child I have tried to put into a carseat, a day of errands cutt short in order to feed him, or, *gasp* having to watch the Bachelor finale, online,  24 hours after the winner is announced,  because it happens to fall on his bedtime that I am trying to make routine. . . .

and to be honest,  there is still a little part of me that is still finding it difficult to adjust.. to realize, its not going to happen how i want it to anymore.. i can try my hardest to plan, to synchronize, to create routines and schedules to make things flow easier.. but.. there are going to be days i need to realize the most important thing right now is being a mother.. and being a mother means not being in control of all the little details of MY life anymore..

the funny thing is, one day it happened.. he was fed, changed, in the car seat and ready to go .. and lo and behold i could not get the stroller into the car.. it just got stuck and hard and hard as i pushed and thundered at it, it would NOT fit into the trunk. . . i had to call my friend, cancel plans, go BACK inside and i was in a full out pout. All my carefully laid plans extinguished.. 

 

 but you know what happened that day? 

 

 

I unbundled Jackson, went upstairs, sat on my bed with him, and he just smiled back at me.. unphased by my carefully laid plans that ran a-muck.. just happy to be there, smiling his gummy smile up at me, kcking his chubby little hamhock thighs

 

.. and .. you know what- those are the moments I will remember in the end.

 the simple moments of gummy smiles with my baby boy. 

I would not trade that smile for a lifetime of Bachelor finale parties -that i will surely forget.

sweet sleep

when did 8 pm become my new 11 pm?

i turn the lights down low,
start singing little lullabies,
cue the sound machine that plays falling rain,
stroke the top of his sweet, sweet head.. 


 and all of a sudden, I realize, I am falling asleep too.

 at 8 pm.

woof. what a night owl I have become. *insert sarcasm here

*(not to worry, he will be up soon.. dont let this innocent face fool you, he will awaken with a banchee -like howl come 11 pm that makes your blood run cold )

puppy, puppy

Moments from today:

-Jackson trying to pluck out the eyes of some rather unfortunate stuffed animals (he tries to go for my eyes too, does that make it more normal?)

-reading our very first board book: "Puppy, Puppy" to which he became bored within moments and decided instead to *toot* on me instead

-getting wildly excited to lay under his playmat swatting away at the multi-colored rungs, only to then be overwhelmed by the multi- colored rungs, become overstimulated, and start crying hysterically

-watching mommy eat a few too many chocolate chips: instead of making intended chocolate chip cookies for neighbor who did a rather neighborly thing i aught to award with aforementioned chocolate cookies.. *oops

ahh yes.. its wednesday, and it marks the middle of the week ! It is amazing that there are still so many 'firsts' with my little bumba every single day. . last night was a first I will not so easily forget: Jackson's first baby giggle.. (!)

The Hubs and i were staring down at our lil' chap when all of a sudden Jackson let out an unwarranted shriek! Apparently the shriek loosened things up, because out of nowhere, Jackson subsequently let out his very first series of giggles.

 

 I have heard an occasional laugh here and there in singular occasion, but this was the first full on gigglefest. I am afraid it was because he was staring at a shadow on the ceiling that he found wildly exciting, but either way: there is was: like the tinkling of bells: our little boy giggling.  It is moments like that that I am overwhelmed with pure momma mush and I am surprised i did not turn into a giddy puddle on the floor! 

.....and then this is when I realize how very lucky I am...how my life is forever altered, and how my dreams are coming true with this little bundle.. suuuuuure, he is not sleeping through the night and i wake up looking like something out of a horror movie.. but then he giggles.. and i realize, life will never be the same again.

Here it is. March 3rd already, which marks the 3 month mark of my little man. When I reflect that it has only been three months, I am amazed at how time passed both quickly, and slowly simultaneously.

 How I have gone from annoyed pregnant lady during the holiday season wanting the baby to "COME OUT already..~!!!" to sitting indoors during these Minnesota winter and longing for spring time to come and wipe away these gray days and fill my life with the color green; with thunderstorms, with nubby little shoots of grass that I can wiggle my toes in.

 I am most excited to be able to go outdoors, to put my Jackson in a stroller and watch his eyes peer around in marvelous wonder at the sunshine, the cool breeze, and vibrancy of spring.

My little butterbean has not yet been in a stroller, as the few days it has been 'sunny' he has been suffering a cold, and my mom instincts have not allowed me to take him out yet. So indoors we have stayed, and I am almost batty with having 'house fever' and needing to explore!
alas.. i hear his little cry, so with that.. i must go.