year in the making (*literally)

a year ago today i found out i was pregnant.

a single millisecond of information changed the course of my life and my history. .

it makes today so much more sweet and tender, as i think back on that moment. all the thoughts that were running through my head, my excitement mixed with fear, my trembling fingers and racing heartbeat.. how all of a sudden, i found out:

i was a mother.  . . 

 

its not something you can put into words, .   . .

 it makes me kiss my little boy all the more today -as i once again feel so blessed by his health, his rosy cheeks, his chubby fingers that still grip mine.

i was afraid then, afraid of what the future held, afraid of not being strong enough -or wise enough.. but if i have learned anything these last 4  months, it is that you become a mother.. because you love your child.

• You learn what makes him smile (*and thus bark like a puppy just to see his lips curl upwards)
• you learn what makes him cry (loud noises - being over tired)
• you learn when he is content (with his little feet kicking about)
• and when he is frustrated (his furrowed brow) ..

 

it is all these little moments you spend together, that makes you understand your own child.. and its the patience and dedication that make you a mother ...

a little excerpt from the day i found out, one year ago :

"and yet.. there is you, you are in there somewhere.. down deep inside like a whisper.. a soul formed, a twinkle sparkling, a whole history and lifeline starting to shimmer.  I keep imagining Jonathan's big bright eyes lighting up your face.. our curly hair topping your head in little soft waves. your little lips.. your tiny ears. "

i love you- my sweet jackson.